Homeschooling is Hard

I just need to tell ya, homeschooling is hard. It's kickin' my butt - rockin' my world - takin' me for a ride - kinda hard. I mean, I knew it was going to be ... at least that's what everybody told me as I was preparing to take the leap. It's kind of like having a baby. You know your life is about to change - drastically, but you don't exactly know what it's going to look like yet. It's different for everybody and each family. I read a lot in preparation for this big adventure, and one recurring phrase was that the first year will be your hardest. - - - Oh, it is. But, no one ever really spelled out why.[Sigh] I've put off writing this piece so many times. I don't really want to, but I feel like I need to. I kinda can't move on until I get it out. I don't want this to sound like complaining, so please don't take it as such. But it's difficult for me to say because I also don't like to admit I'm failing or can't handle something. So... (setting my pride aside) if for no other reason, than to see myself written on these lines, and to be able to work through it, I will share with you why I find homeschooling is hard. These are the things I'm struggling with.

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The top 5 reasons homeschooling is hard:

1)  Homeschooling is hard because it is a lot of pressure to endure day after day. I feel like their whole future, let alone education, is resting on my shoulders. If they fail, I fail.2) Homeschooling is hard because it requires more patience than I have.3) Homeschooling is hard because somebody always needs me for 14 hrs straight. That's all day. Every day. And it's exhausting.4) Homeschooling is hard because I rarely have time for myself. And when I do, I'm too exhausted to do anything of real value.5) Homeschooling is hard. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I am tired. I am weary. I feel all alone.

 There. I said it. Out loud. Well, kinda. Online.

The Problem:

You know what God has revealed to me regarding my reasons I feel like homeschooling is so hard? There is one common denominator. That's I/me. I think maybe homeschooling is so hard because I am focused on me. I see everything that I lack, but not what I have. I'm trying to do it all on my own. I don't know why, because when I signed up for this, I told God He's gonna have to get me through. But then I took it and ran. 'Waves of adversity' have been crashing over me for months, and I was tempted to give up. I am totally a Peter! I took my eyes off of Jesus and began to sink. Actually, I thought I was down-right drowning! I lost sight of who was guiding me through this process.

"God is always with me, holding my right hand, guiding me. When my flesh and my heart fail, He is my portion. I will choose to trust in Him. Psalm 73:23-28  

I wasn't seeking Him. I was trying to do things all on my own. He didn't move. I did. It wasn't an intentional willful act of disobedience or thinking that I didn't need God. It was kind of a slow slide. With my hectic schedule and lack of time, or how I prioritized my time, He got pushed out. It amazes me how easy it is to step away from Him, but how hard it is to see that you've done just that. Why did it take me so long?! I think I just got so busy, wrapped up in all I had to do for each child. I had to stop attending my weekly Bible Study with the ladies on Wednesday morning because it wasn't working. It was adding more stress and causing strife in the family. My children come before me. That was a hard choice. Their schooling or my spiritual well-being. I prayed long and hard about that one. And finally, I came to the conclusion that if God directed my path into homeschooling, and my Bible Study attendance was interfering with that, then He had something else for me. But what? I need the accountability. I couldn't find what that looked like for me.

Don't Neglect Your Quiet Time:

I know some people do this, but I just couldn't get up before my little ones in the morning and have my quiet time. (They are EARLY risers, like before the birds, before the sun.)  Naptime used to work when they were little, but now only 1/4 of them nap. The rest read, but need supervision because, well, they're boys who like to push the limits. I haven't been able to talk to Him during my training because it's too stinkin' cold outside to get out, and has been for months. And when I'm home on the trainer, they're always interrupting. I couldn't do it in the evening when they went to bed because my brain shuts down as soon as I sit down. (If I stop, my eyes will close). That's just how it is at this time in my life. Nothing seemed to fit.

 ... Until last month when I met with a few of my girlfriends for coffee.

Before I tell you what I discovered, I should also tell you that I blubbered all over them about how I don't know who I am anymore and how alone I feel, how my husband (God bless the man) just doesn't understand, blah blah blah. And even as I said it, I realized what I was doing. I was looking everywhere for help, but to The One who is able to help me. Here I was trying to make them understand, trying to make my husband understand, trying to make my children understand, that this is not who I am, this tired lonely person, who needs more help around the house. And there was God, right beside me, reminding me that He's right there. Always has been. And reminding me of who I am and whose I am. I just wasn't looking in the right direction. I was depending on everyone else to make me feel loved, cherished, worthy of their time, and found myself disappointed with what I was getting in return. I was not giving Him, who's had his hand outstretched, patiently waiting, the same opportunity to give me what I was so desperately needing. So you see? He's been working on me for a little while, and I'm slowly comin' around. Sheesh, He's patient with me ;)

Back to the story:

So, it was at that table in the coffee shop that one of my girlfriends suggested something that I took to heart. Amongst my blubbering, I had said that my only quiet moments are when I lock myself in the bathroom to do my business. (Okay, so I should warn you, this may be TMI, but I gotta tell it like it is). I often bring my phone in there (oh stop it, I know I'm not the only one who does this) to check my mail or see who's Instagram photos have fantastic light today. Anyway, she suggested I read an excerpt from Sarah Young's, "Jesus Calling," at that time. Short. Sweet. To the point with a little scripture.

I went home, moved a cute little table into my bathroom, put my devotional book right on that little table, and I have had my quiet time right there with God every day since then. Yay! Success!! I know, TMI, but I'm tellin' ya, it's not glamorous mommas but we have to do what works sometimes. And I think God can honor that. Make a sticker chart if you need to! Nowhere in the Bible does it say that our time with God needs to be 30 minutes every morning in the quiet sun-soaked stillness of our dining room. Maybe that works for some, and that's great. I look forward to that day. But for others, a verse or two with some thought provoking text, and the potty may be our best, and I believe that's what God requires. Our best.

So, potty talk aside, I'm learning to walk with Him in the chaos of my new life. I'm learning to hold His hand every. moment. by. loud. messy. stress-filled moment. It is through Him that I will learn how not to worry about my future, or their future, or this weeks' circumstances. Instead, I will be thankful and trust that God will guide me through each day. I want to live each moment of each day in His presence. His perfect peace. And that is a choice.

Encouraging Words:

Before I started this adventure, I put together some encouraging scripture verses that I could easily find and go to when I needed them. (Ha, I know myself pretty well ;)  These verses are strengthening, life-giving, uplifting promises from God. And I have been referring to these pages of comforting words for the past month.

It was only after reading these that God began to remind me of His truth. And what I saw in my issues written above were that they are based on lies straight from the devil. He would want me to lose heart and give up. He would want me to fail and/or feel like a failure. He would because the reasons we choose to homeschool have more to do with the kingdom than education itself. Here's an excerpt from my favorite homeschooling book, "Educating the WholeHearted Child," by Clay and Sally Clarkson, that really helps to explain why we might be under attack.

 "Yes, it is our job to foster learning. It's hard to set our parenting goals on making our children successful by the world's standards. intellect, appearance, money, power, and fame. But if their hearts and minds are not turned wholeheartedly toward God, we will miss the mark by God's standards. God looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7  Home education is not our primary goal - home nurture and discipleship are, and home education is simply the natural extension of those biblical priorities. When we follow God's biblical patterns and principles for home, the natural and normal fruit should be not just spiritual growth and maturity, but intellectual growth and maturity as well. Our role as a home-educating parent is to provide a rich and lively living and learning environment in which our children can exercise their God-given drive to learn and then to biblically train and instruct them within in the natural context of our home and family life. It's that simple."

So there it is. That's exactly where I am. I am under attack, and it's easy to see why. I should have known this was coming. This is why IT IS SO HARD. When we do things for Christ, we need to be prepared for battle, and I frankly, I was still sleeping in my tent unarmed. Well, let's not let that happen again. And let's not let that happen with one another. We have got to be prepared for whatever the evil one throws at us. Let's keep one another accountable! It starts with His word. Get into it. Get to know it.

God's word is truth. John 17:17

Stop Believing the Lies:

Below I've listed again the lies I was believing. But this time I posted the Truth next to them, just in case you've been believing those same lies, or something similar.1)  Homeschooling is hard because it is a lot of pressure to endure. I mean, their whole education is resting on my shoulders. If they fail, I fail.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:33-34

2) Homeschooling is hard because it requires more wisdom & patience than I have.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:5-6  

Exactly how I was feeling. Remember Peter?3) Homeschooling is hard because somebody always needs me for 14 hrs straight. That's all day. Every day.

"Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season ye shall reap if you don't loose heart." Galatians 6:9  

4) Homeschooling is hard because I rarely have time for myself. And when I do, I'm too exhausted to do anything of real value.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the son of man is going to come in his father's glory with his angels , and then he will reward each person according to what he has done." Matthew 16: 24-27

5) Homeschooling is hard. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I am tired. I am weary.

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10:35-39

Now if that isn't a half-time pep talk, I don't know what is!

I'm trying to remember that God has given me all I need to train and educate these children at home - it's in real books, real life, and real relationships. I just need to show them how to find it.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." Psalm 127:1a

 I'm glad we had this talk. In fact, I was just reading in my devotional book, you know the one, ;) this:

"You are on the right path. Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts. I am leading you along the way I designed just for you. Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking. But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone. Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, and more than you can comprehend My dealings with others. I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, and moment by moment. As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you:  Follow Me. John 21:22

Do you feel like your sinking? Are there 'waves of adversity' crashing over you? Don't go it alone. Don't be a Peter. May I encourage you to fix your eyes on Jesus. He is our help, our strength, and so much more.Talk soon,HeidiSave